Adventures in Paradise Volume 2 #49

Kia ora! Our excellent adventure continues with thoughts concerning a sweet island custom that we hope to emulate when we return home. Five years ago, as we began our service in the Cook Islands we observed something very interesting. After ending our visit at a particular home, we realized that after saying goodbye, our hosts would remain standing in the doorway of their homes until we were well away. Sometimes there would be continual waves from our new friends as we departed and we found it touching, that even in a rainstorm, those waves would continue. Often, in lieu of waves, there were simply wide grins and again no move to return indoors until we had driven away. It seemed to us to represent the highest form of respect and we were touched by their thoughtfulness.

Since arriving in New Zealand, we have been happily surprised to find that the islanders here have the same method of saying their goodbyes. Over and over again, we have witnessed entire families remain in place outside their homes as they wave their farewells to us upon our departure. While I cannot pinpoint the origin of such a practice, I have grown to appreciate the thought behind it. And while I have grown to expect this same sort of farewell everywhere we go, I can honestly say that it never ceases to be a touching finale to time spent with friends.

It occurs to me that no one here ever turns his back on a visitor and I believe that this attitude carries over into other aspects of life in the  “Land of the Long White Cloud”. There is gentility in even the most modest of homes which translates to the way visitors are treated. It doesn’t matter who you are; if you have been paying a visit, your farewell will remain the same. It’s just the way life is here and it’s lovely.

So, as we have been the recipients of such thoughtfulness over the years and across two countries, we have learned by example the sweetness involved in saying a proper goodbye. Our habits have been permanently altered by the kindness of others. And isn’t it lovely to learn through kind example how to make a change for the better?  No longer can we imagine closing the door behind a guest who is walking away from our home. It smacks of having turned our backs on a visitor and that just doesn’t feel right. Where before our life in the islands, I would not have given a second thought to moving back into my home as my guest was still within eyesight. Now my sensitivities have shifted and that shift will now find us standing at our door waving, calling out our goodbyes and watching until our visitor is well out of sight.

It’s a simple but powerful reminder to all of us that we can choose or learn to choose not to turn away from someone. There are enough rebuffs in the world as it is. Social media makes it so easy to unfriend, delete, or simply ignore others that it seems a wonderful opportunity to do just the opposite. I am suggesting a little social experiment as it were. The next time you say goodbye to a visitor, expand your farewell time by remaining fixed in your doorway until your guest has moved well past your line of sight. I promise you that it will make someone’s day. If your visitor doesn’t notice the first time, I am almost positive that they will notice eventually and in the meantime, you have the satisfaction of knowing that you have continued to make someone feel welcome even as they were leaving.

As always, we are happy and trying to work hard. We are all lifetime learners and lessons that focus on improving relationships with others are some of the most valuable lessons that we can ever learn. Please be assured that if you honor us with a visit where ever we may be, we will honor you by letting you know how happy we were to have your company. I am reminded of Jane King, who used to live in our neighborhood. Every day, as her husband left home to walk to the university, Jane would stand on her porch and wave goodbye to Jim until he was well out of view. I have never forgotten the sweetness of Jane’s daily gesture and now hope that someone I know may have that same sort of memory as they leave my home. Good for you, Jane!

Love, Ward and Susan      Elder and Sister Belliston, serving in Gisborne, New Zealand

Samantha is blind, so we waves until she can no longer hear our car. 

Antasia and her baby did not budge until we turned the corner at the end of her lane. Her other children were in school or they would have been there as well to say goodbye.