Adventures in Paradise Volume 2 #41

Kia ora! Our excellent adventure continues with some thoughts on the problems we face when we choose not to set things right. Last week, you may recall that I spoke about the young woman who chose as a guest in our home, to take some items that did not belong to her. I shared my feelings concerning the range of emotions that I encountered upon discovery of the loss, and the difficulty I had experienced in dealing the resulting anger.

Two weeks have passed and so has the anger. I can honestly say that there is no more angst, but as our next cottage meeting approached, I found myself feeling very curious as to what our young friend might or might not do. In anticipation of our next get together, I will admit to being proactive in regards to anyone having private access to some of our rooms. I also put some items away for safe keeping. The real truth here if I am to be honest, is that I hid some personal belongings that I would not be able to replace. Past that, I had decided to counteract any ill will on my part by replacing it with a healthy dose of curiosity.

Last evening we held another cottage meeting and I found myself watching in anticipation as each car pulled into the drive. As the doors opened, one after another, to reveal the occupants, it soon became clear that our young friend was not going to be in attendance. To be perfectly honest, I was slightly disappointed to see that she was not going to join us. I would not have the opportunity to observe her behavior and inwardly I had hoped that perhaps, just perhaps, she would do the right thing and return however surreptitiously, the purloined items. It was not to be.

Her gracious grandfather apologized for her absence and simply stated that she “had not felt like coming”. He also confided that he thought that she was being lazy, but of course he did not know what I knew and I replied that we would miss her and let it go at that. The evening was a lot of fun and the company was enjoyable. There were tender moments and a lot of laughter. The kai (meal) that the participants provided was delicious and my chocolate brownies were a hit. It was a lovely evening and I am sorry that she missed it.

Later last evening, in the quiet that falls just at bedtime, I pondered all that this young woman had missed. By not admitting her mistake and trying to repair the damage she had done, a pattern of behavior was being set in motion. She will no longer, I assume, feel comfortable in our home and she will miss enjoyable interactions. She will have to fashion some excuse every other Friday to avoid attending our evenings, which means that she may have to be less than honest with her grandparents. She may be concerned that she may meet us in some other venue, and that may cause additional nervousness. In fact, we have a culture night that we are attending this evening, and we expect that she will be there. She will not possibly know where and when we might find ourselves in the same room and I can’t imagine how unsettling that could be for her. She will most likely spend what could be an enjoyable evening, trying avoiding us.

I wouldn’t wish that discomfort on anyone, yet there are those of us, who at one time or another may have experienced similar feelings. In contrast to our young visitor, we may have learned that admitting and owning up to our mistakes is freeing. We rid ourselves of the burden of not dealing and the onus that it becomes in our lives. We have learned that the only way out is through. We have learned that life does go on and it goes on much more peacefully. Owning up to our mistakes is the first step in not making them again. It truly is the cure for what ails us. It is always a step in the right direction.

So, I hope that at some point this young woman will become uncomfortable enough in her own skin to learn a very valuable lesson. If not with me, then I hope that she will learn it while dealing with someone else. I would welcome her confession with a hug and a smile and be grateful that she had chosen to travel in a different direction. I would be happy that hopefully, she had learned what a relief it was to fix what she what she had broken.

As always, we are happy and trying to work hard. We are grateful for parents who taught us how to own up to our mistakes. We have learned from you how to behave graciously in less than ideal circumstances. We are reminded that we are expected to forgive and I personally pray for a short memory o many occasions. In this particular situation, I find that being grateful for what was not lost is the cure for being frustrated over what was.  It’s all relative after all. Ward’s daughter, Teresa (my bonus daughter) always chooses to be positive and I have decided to be just like her when I grow up!

Love, Ward and Susan     Elder and Sister Belliston, serving in Gisborne, New Zealand

Adventures in Paradise Volume 2 #40

Kia ora! Our excellent adventure continues with some thoughts on the lessons that I have relearned in the last two weeks. I had fully intended to share my new enlightenment with you in last week’s blog, but as I tried several times to compose my weekly missive, it became glaringly clear to me that I had not fully embraced the idea of letting go. Like most of us, I am a work in progress, and my progress was hampered by lingering feelings that needed to be faced before they could be banished.

If all of that sounds a tad bit cryptic, perhaps the shortest possible explanation of the events of the last two weeks will be helpful. Ward and I have had the usually enjoyable opportunity of hosting bi-monthly cottage meetings in our home. A cottage meeting is a gathering of people, some members of our church; some not, who come together to enjoy some sort of fun activity, a meal and a short spiritually oriented lesson. We typically entertain about twenty people at any one of these meetings and we have always looked forward to having the opportunity to share our home with others.

Sadly, that enjoyment for me was marred by the actions of one young woman who, accompanied by her grandparents, regularly attends our little gathering. We love the grandparents and have always looked forward to seeing the three of them at our door. Two weeks ago, I noticed that this young woman left the meeting to “use” the bathroom several times. I remember thinking to myself that it was very unusual for her to leave the living room so often and for such long intervals. I wondered if she wasn’t feeling well and upon her second return, asked if she was feeling under the weather. She smiled, said she was fine and then about half an hour later, returned to the bathroom for the third time. I should mention, here that the bathroom is separated from our meeting area by a door and a long hallway. This hall opens into all four of our bedrooms.

The next morning, as we were preparing to leave for the day, I noticed that something that I needed was not in its usual location. Thinking that I had mislaid it, I went searching in earnest. I retraced my steps of the previous day and even recalled Big Bird’s admonition to walk backwards in my mind. All of this was to no avail. So, assuming as I usually do, that missing items turn up eventually, I continued to prepare for the day. Eventually, I noticed that another item was missing  as well and at that moment, my brain switched from confusion to conviction. It became obvious that someone we trusted and had welcomed into our home had chosen to repay that welcome by stealing from us. I have always believed that although we may not be able to control our initial reaction to a situation, we have the choice of how to feel about it past that first impulse. My first reaction was to feel very angry. However, that anger colored my thoughts for much longer than it should have and I am sorry to say that it has taken me the better part of two weeks to come to terms with it. But come to terms with it I have, and I wanted to share a little of what I have just relearned.

I have relearned that anger is counterproductive and destructive. I have relearned that the person feeling the anger is the one who suffers most, certainly not the object of that anger.  I have been reminded that anger is a waste of time and energy and does not promote peace. I should have remembered that being angry colors every thought and action and often distances us from others. I have once again come to the realization that being angry, especially for a prolonged period of time, is not something that I want to spend my life experiencing.

Bad things happen to all of us. It’s just what happens as we live our lives. We learn to accept what we cannot change and move on. We learn to fill in the dents that have been caused by the careless and sometimes thoughtless actions of others. We learn to cope and we learn that we will survive. When one son or the other would return from school to report that his car had been broken into, part of my job, I believed, was to help them dispel that initial anger that they were experiencing. One day, the perfect thought came to me and it has been our family mantra ever since. I simply said that in the grand scheme of things, I would much rather have bad things happen to my sons than think that they were the cause of bad things happening to someone else. I take great comfort in knowing that my sons have not been the perpetrators of someone else’s misfortune.

So, as I worked all of this through in my heart and mind this last while, I have decided not to be angry at this young woman. In truth, I did entertain the fantasy of confronting her in some sort of way that let her know that I knew what she had done without actually accusing her. But in the end, I realized that scheming like that was a waste of my time and energy. I am sad for her for the decision she made and I also know that I will not approach her grandparents, as I do not fully understand their relationship and I do not wish to destroy the opportunity to have them in our home.

Having said that, there will be another cottage meeting here next week, and Ward and I have talked about the ways that we could protect our interests by being a little more proactive. If our young friend does choose to visit us again, we feel perfectly justified in preventing a second bout of sticky fingers. The anger has dissipated, but it shouldn’t have taken as long as it did. That was my fault and I am working on it. I gratefully remind myself that hopefully I have not, nor have those in my family, been the cause of something unfortunate happening to someone else.

As always, we are happy and trying to work hard. I am grateful for the lessons that have been the focus of the last two weeks and I am thankful for all of you who are welcome guests in our lives. We acknowledge that instead of taking anything from us, you have all been instrumental in giving us fond memories. You have gifted us with the peace that comes through associating with people whom you love and trust. Thank you all for that. I have learned that peace is highly underrated and I am so grateful to be able to feel that peace one again.

Love, Ward and Susan      Elder and Sister Belliston, serving in Gisborne, New Zealand

Adventures in Paradise Volume 2 #39

Kia ora! Our excellent adventure continues with some thoughts on appreciating change that new surroundings can offer. I will readily admit to being a city girl. My experience with farm life is very limited. My experience with horses, for example, consists of delightful merry-go-round adventures and a handful of rental opportunities. I appreciate the beauty of those animals, but know next to nothing about their care and feeding. The same can be said for cows, sheep, goats and pigs. These creatures have always been out of my realm of experience and to be honest, I never really gave them a thought one way or the other. Suddenly, we are living a life surrounded by farm animals, not to mention ducks, rabbits and wild turkeys, and when you become more aware of your surroundings, you have the opportunity to enjoy the peacefulness of the life that has been gifted you. Every day, there are opportunities to learn and to laugh. Finding humor in everyday events is truly something that we have come to appreciate while living a countrified life. 

So this week, instead of presenting our adventures in a written format, I thought that you might enjoy a pictorial depiction of life in the country with Elder and Sister Belliston. We have learned to love our new home and its green paddocks. I know what it sounds like when a sheep has a cold and just how hard it is to convince a cow to move out of the road because you are late to a meeting. We are experiencing a country-style adventure and we are loving it!

Our friend, Tom invited us for a ride in the country. It was a hair-raising four-wheel drive to the top of the mountain. I could have missed the ride but would not have wanted to  miss this view!

Country roads are always so crowded!

New Zealand countryside perfected.

I have often heard the phrase,"wait until the cows come home". These cows are coming home and in single-file!

When we go visiting in the country, we visit friends of all types. This is Ross and his horse, Major.

Only in the country would you find your namesake living in a barnyard. Please say hello to Sister Belliston the pig. Sister Belliston met with an untimely demise, but I won't go into details.

Ward learned how to suck the sweet nectar out of a flower. When the stem is empty, you can turn it into a whistle!

Only in the country will you find such cute railroad crossing signs.

 Only in the country is it possible to have a cow pass your car as he is going faster than you are.

This is the country version of a family home evening dinner. Ward purchased welding rods to act as hot dog holders. This is our backyard!!

 

These country creatures surprised us as we came around a bend in the road. It was dark and they were totally unexpected.
 



Only in the country can you find this view out of your bedroom window.

 Sister Caldwell is teaching Ward a country craft. She is a master spinner and weaver.

 I was thrilled today as Sister Caldwell presented me with this beautiful wrap. This is Merino wool that came from local sheep. She carded, spun and knitted my new favorite thing. This photo does not do the color justice, but I am beyond thrilled!

As always, we are happy and trying to work hard. We appreciate the opportunity to experience life in the “Land of the Long White Cloud” and to live amongst people who are grateful for the bounties of their land where no one need go hungry. We have found ourselves wishing many times that more of you could experience the wonders of this country, so we hope that your vicarious visit to our island will suffice. If you enjoy what you see today, please be assured that we will bring hundreds more photos home with us should you choose to become more thoroughly acquainted with our adopted island.

Love Ward and Susan   Elder and Sister Belliston, serving in Gisborne, New Zealand

In addition to this week's blog, we would like to acknowledge the kind words that so many of you sent in regards to my love letter to Bob, which was the subject of an earlier posting. Sadly, Bob Beall passed away a little over a week ago. We will miss him, but take solace in knowing that we will see him again one day. Our love goes out to his family. xoxoxoxo