Adventures in Paradise Volume 2 #41

Kia ora! Our excellent adventure continues with some thoughts on the problems we face when we choose not to set things right. Last week, you may recall that I spoke about the young woman who chose as a guest in our home, to take some items that did not belong to her. I shared my feelings concerning the range of emotions that I encountered upon discovery of the loss, and the difficulty I had experienced in dealing the resulting anger.

Two weeks have passed and so has the anger. I can honestly say that there is no more angst, but as our next cottage meeting approached, I found myself feeling very curious as to what our young friend might or might not do. In anticipation of our next get together, I will admit to being proactive in regards to anyone having private access to some of our rooms. I also put some items away for safe keeping. The real truth here if I am to be honest, is that I hid some personal belongings that I would not be able to replace. Past that, I had decided to counteract any ill will on my part by replacing it with a healthy dose of curiosity.

Last evening we held another cottage meeting and I found myself watching in anticipation as each car pulled into the drive. As the doors opened, one after another, to reveal the occupants, it soon became clear that our young friend was not going to be in attendance. To be perfectly honest, I was slightly disappointed to see that she was not going to join us. I would not have the opportunity to observe her behavior and inwardly I had hoped that perhaps, just perhaps, she would do the right thing and return however surreptitiously, the purloined items. It was not to be.

Her gracious grandfather apologized for her absence and simply stated that she “had not felt like coming”. He also confided that he thought that she was being lazy, but of course he did not know what I knew and I replied that we would miss her and let it go at that. The evening was a lot of fun and the company was enjoyable. There were tender moments and a lot of laughter. The kai (meal) that the participants provided was delicious and my chocolate brownies were a hit. It was a lovely evening and I am sorry that she missed it.

Later last evening, in the quiet that falls just at bedtime, I pondered all that this young woman had missed. By not admitting her mistake and trying to repair the damage she had done, a pattern of behavior was being set in motion. She will no longer, I assume, feel comfortable in our home and she will miss enjoyable interactions. She will have to fashion some excuse every other Friday to avoid attending our evenings, which means that she may have to be less than honest with her grandparents. She may be concerned that she may meet us in some other venue, and that may cause additional nervousness. In fact, we have a culture night that we are attending this evening, and we expect that she will be there. She will not possibly know where and when we might find ourselves in the same room and I can’t imagine how unsettling that could be for her. She will most likely spend what could be an enjoyable evening, trying avoiding us.

I wouldn’t wish that discomfort on anyone, yet there are those of us, who at one time or another may have experienced similar feelings. In contrast to our young visitor, we may have learned that admitting and owning up to our mistakes is freeing. We rid ourselves of the burden of not dealing and the onus that it becomes in our lives. We have learned that the only way out is through. We have learned that life does go on and it goes on much more peacefully. Owning up to our mistakes is the first step in not making them again. It truly is the cure for what ails us. It is always a step in the right direction.

So, I hope that at some point this young woman will become uncomfortable enough in her own skin to learn a very valuable lesson. If not with me, then I hope that she will learn it while dealing with someone else. I would welcome her confession with a hug and a smile and be grateful that she had chosen to travel in a different direction. I would be happy that hopefully, she had learned what a relief it was to fix what she what she had broken.

As always, we are happy and trying to work hard. We are grateful for parents who taught us how to own up to our mistakes. We have learned from you how to behave graciously in less than ideal circumstances. We are reminded that we are expected to forgive and I personally pray for a short memory o many occasions. In this particular situation, I find that being grateful for what was not lost is the cure for being frustrated over what was.  It’s all relative after all. Ward’s daughter, Teresa (my bonus daughter) always chooses to be positive and I have decided to be just like her when I grow up!

Love, Ward and Susan     Elder and Sister Belliston, serving in Gisborne, New Zealand