Adventures in Paradise Volume 2 #40

Kia ora! Our excellent adventure continues with some thoughts on the lessons that I have relearned in the last two weeks. I had fully intended to share my new enlightenment with you in last week’s blog, but as I tried several times to compose my weekly missive, it became glaringly clear to me that I had not fully embraced the idea of letting go. Like most of us, I am a work in progress, and my progress was hampered by lingering feelings that needed to be faced before they could be banished.

If all of that sounds a tad bit cryptic, perhaps the shortest possible explanation of the events of the last two weeks will be helpful. Ward and I have had the usually enjoyable opportunity of hosting bi-monthly cottage meetings in our home. A cottage meeting is a gathering of people, some members of our church; some not, who come together to enjoy some sort of fun activity, a meal and a short spiritually oriented lesson. We typically entertain about twenty people at any one of these meetings and we have always looked forward to having the opportunity to share our home with others.

Sadly, that enjoyment for me was marred by the actions of one young woman who, accompanied by her grandparents, regularly attends our little gathering. We love the grandparents and have always looked forward to seeing the three of them at our door. Two weeks ago, I noticed that this young woman left the meeting to “use” the bathroom several times. I remember thinking to myself that it was very unusual for her to leave the living room so often and for such long intervals. I wondered if she wasn’t feeling well and upon her second return, asked if she was feeling under the weather. She smiled, said she was fine and then about half an hour later, returned to the bathroom for the third time. I should mention, here that the bathroom is separated from our meeting area by a door and a long hallway. This hall opens into all four of our bedrooms.

The next morning, as we were preparing to leave for the day, I noticed that something that I needed was not in its usual location. Thinking that I had mislaid it, I went searching in earnest. I retraced my steps of the previous day and even recalled Big Bird’s admonition to walk backwards in my mind. All of this was to no avail. So, assuming as I usually do, that missing items turn up eventually, I continued to prepare for the day. Eventually, I noticed that another item was missing  as well and at that moment, my brain switched from confusion to conviction. It became obvious that someone we trusted and had welcomed into our home had chosen to repay that welcome by stealing from us. I have always believed that although we may not be able to control our initial reaction to a situation, we have the choice of how to feel about it past that first impulse. My first reaction was to feel very angry. However, that anger colored my thoughts for much longer than it should have and I am sorry to say that it has taken me the better part of two weeks to come to terms with it. But come to terms with it I have, and I wanted to share a little of what I have just relearned.

I have relearned that anger is counterproductive and destructive. I have relearned that the person feeling the anger is the one who suffers most, certainly not the object of that anger.  I have been reminded that anger is a waste of time and energy and does not promote peace. I should have remembered that being angry colors every thought and action and often distances us from others. I have once again come to the realization that being angry, especially for a prolonged period of time, is not something that I want to spend my life experiencing.

Bad things happen to all of us. It’s just what happens as we live our lives. We learn to accept what we cannot change and move on. We learn to fill in the dents that have been caused by the careless and sometimes thoughtless actions of others. We learn to cope and we learn that we will survive. When one son or the other would return from school to report that his car had been broken into, part of my job, I believed, was to help them dispel that initial anger that they were experiencing. One day, the perfect thought came to me and it has been our family mantra ever since. I simply said that in the grand scheme of things, I would much rather have bad things happen to my sons than think that they were the cause of bad things happening to someone else. I take great comfort in knowing that my sons have not been the perpetrators of someone else’s misfortune.

So, as I worked all of this through in my heart and mind this last while, I have decided not to be angry at this young woman. In truth, I did entertain the fantasy of confronting her in some sort of way that let her know that I knew what she had done without actually accusing her. But in the end, I realized that scheming like that was a waste of my time and energy. I am sad for her for the decision she made and I also know that I will not approach her grandparents, as I do not fully understand their relationship and I do not wish to destroy the opportunity to have them in our home.

Having said that, there will be another cottage meeting here next week, and Ward and I have talked about the ways that we could protect our interests by being a little more proactive. If our young friend does choose to visit us again, we feel perfectly justified in preventing a second bout of sticky fingers. The anger has dissipated, but it shouldn’t have taken as long as it did. That was my fault and I am working on it. I gratefully remind myself that hopefully I have not, nor have those in my family, been the cause of something unfortunate happening to someone else.

As always, we are happy and trying to work hard. I am grateful for the lessons that have been the focus of the last two weeks and I am thankful for all of you who are welcome guests in our lives. We acknowledge that instead of taking anything from us, you have all been instrumental in giving us fond memories. You have gifted us with the peace that comes through associating with people whom you love and trust. Thank you all for that. I have learned that peace is highly underrated and I am so grateful to be able to feel that peace one again.

Love, Ward and Susan      Elder and Sister Belliston, serving in Gisborne, New Zealand