Adventures in Paradise 58

Adventures in Paradise 58

Kia Orana, everyone! Our excellent adventure continues with some thoughts on Joy. For the past week, a professional photographer has been snapping photos on our little rock. He was hired originally, to produce photographs that the Cook Islands tourism board could use for their next ad campaign. While he was fulfilling this assignment, he began to notice that almost everyone whom he shot seemed happy. Realizing that people often assume certain poses when a camera is present, he decided to perform a little experiment. He went looking for photo opportunities that could be taken without the knowledge of the subject. He wanted to see if the Rarotongan people would display the same level of happiness when they were unaware of the photographer. He was touched to find that indeed, these people seemed happy whether or not a camera was present.

Several of these photos appeared in the local paper yesterday under the headline of “Moments of Joy” and I could not help smiling when I viewed this one of the two women on the motorbike. Their expressions of pure unadulterated joy are priceless.

So, I have been thinking a lot about joy and what it is and how we go about finding it. While the dictionary has a host of synonyms describing it, I believe that in fact, joy defies definition. It just is, and we either know it or we don’t. For many years, I have been struck by the photographs of criminals as they appear in the newspaper. There was always something unsettling about the eyes. It finally occurred to me that there was no light. Those eyes staring out from those arrest photos were lifeless. And therein, perhaps, lies the difference. Those who know joy project light in their faces. Their eyes project light from within and they are “innerlit” to coin a phrase.

For me, my moments of joy come from being comfortable in my own skin. It’s knowing who you are and knowing that you are in a good place. Those joyful moments are born of a sense of inner peace and being grateful. They come from loving and being loved and being content. Years ago, a dear friend told me that what I needed in my life was peace, but at the time, I thought that I needed other things more. My friend was right and I now know that peace is highly underrated. Light years ago, I would have thought that being contented was the equal of being boring. Again, I was wrong. Contentment is a gift to cherish. It’s the opportunity to develop talents and to serve others. It’s being surrounded by caring people and family. It’s the gift of living life well. I actually think that having joy feels a whole lot like the perfect Thanksgiving; all mellow and peaceful. There is an old saying, “Living well is the best revenge”. Why would a life well-lived be focused on revenge? My modified adage would be “Living well is its own reward”.  Happy people want other people to be happy too, don't you think? 

As I began contemplating the moments of joy in my life, I started searching through the photos that we have taken since arriving in the Cooks. In sharing these with you, I would just like to mention that our friends here have many moments of joy because they are content and peaceful. In the paper yesterday, the Cook Islands were listed as the most peaceful country in the world. I can believe this. The islanders are happy with who they are and where they are. We have learned a great deal from our new friends. What some of us may perceive as lack of motivation, others view as contentment. I will let you decided for yourself if you see the light in this week’s photos.

So, as always, we are happy and trying to work hard. As we have just dipped below the four-month mark, we will admit that we have fleeting thoughts of our return home. It’s more than just being home again, it’s the opportunity of seeing all of you and being in your company. So, come to the airport and bring your camera. The expression on our faces when we first see you will tell you all you need to know about that moment in time. It will be joyful!

Love, Ward and Susan                  Elder and Sister Belliston, serving in the Cooks

This is childlike joy personified

It brings David joy to share his harvest (that is our van he's loading!)

Tereroa is joyfully waiting for the bride to appear at a recent wedding.

Two mothers enjoying our Halloween party

Tere just after his baptism. There is light.

The Teakas enjoying their newly adopted daughter

Elizabeth enjoying her birthday with good friends.

These cute girls are enjoying the moment

We clipped this out of the paper as well. This mama enjoys crocheting the flowers  you see on her

hatband. In the background, is a Tivaevae she designed.

Our daughter, Teresa,  CHOOSES to always be positive and enjoy her life. So she is happy.

Stay turned next week for "Views From Our Backyard"

Adventures in Parasise 57

Adventures in Paradise 57

Kia Orana, everyone! Our excellent adventure continues with thoughts on Thanksgiving and the sweetness of being grateful. It’s difficult to believe as we hear the waves crashing on the reef that winter is approaching at home. We have had a hard time wrapping our minds around the concept that next Thursday, you will be celebrating an American traditional holiday without us. Not only will we miss the feast for a second year, but we will miss the atmosphere that those gatherings engender. The aromas, the colors, the sense of well-being, the laughter and the realization that I should have worn something with an elastic waistband are all part of how that day in November feels to me. And I miss it.

Many families have the tradition prior to the meal of having each person in attendance relate why they are grateful. Since I will not be dining at home this year, I just wanted to take this opportunity to share with my friends and family why I am thankful. My life is good because I am surrounded by people I love. My husband, sons and brothers are good men and I am proud of them. My son, Jared married a wonderful girl and I think the world of her.  I have a sister and a sister-in-law who feels like a sister. Ward has provided me with the daughters I never had and has thrown in extra sons for good measure. I now have an extended family including thirty two grandchildren that I have learned to love and respect. I have been blessed with dear friends and a caring community of neighbors. Life cannot get much better than this!

In contemplation of all of this, I decided to conduct a little “Man on the Street” interview with people here on the island. I asked all of them the same question: What are you thankful for? The answers were varied and in some cases, predictable, but the end result was the same. People here are thankful for the lives they lead and most of them wouldn’t change a thing. Where I thought that this island was too small and restrictive, others feel that its size makes them feel secure. Where I felt that people worked too hard on their plantations, the locals feel that it is a blessing that they can provide so much for their families from their own land. Where it seemed to me that life here was too slow, my new friends feel sorry for me that I have to return to a hectic life. The Rarotongans are thankful for life just the way that it is.

When asked what they are thankful for, our teenage students said that they were grateful to live in a place where everyone knows each other. They like having “heaps” of cousins and aunties and uncles nearby. The boys said that they like having freedom. They can go swimming and fishing every day if they want and there is always the opportunity to play rugby or football (soccer). Life is slow-paced and no one is in a hurry. We actually wish, sometimes, that they were in a hurry, but that is another story!  Everyone and everything is close by, so they never have to go very far to find something to do or someone to do it with.  They are very pleased that they do not have to wear restrictive clothing like dress shoes or suits. They are happy.

One night, several months ago, we noticed what appeared to be floating lights moving back and forth near the reef. There was an ethereal quality to this and we watched, fascinated, wondering what those lights meant. We learned later that on moonless nights, fishermen take lanterns out in their boats to catch flying fish. Flying fish? Yes, the fishermen shine their lanterns across the dark water and the fish are drawn to the light and literally fly into the waiting nets. These fishermen are thankful for moonless nights as they are able to sell their fresh catches at market the next morning. And the islanders are thankful that there is another variety of fresh fish for them to enjoy.

Most islanders have a way of at least partially feeding their families from the land. We have mentioned the delivery of bananas, papaya, pineapple, eggplant, eggs and pork to our home. This is just a sampling of what is grown here. It is watermelon and cucumber season here now and they are delicious. Yesterday, someone gave us some fresh spinach after hearing that I was craving a spinach salad. I was not hinting I was just hungry! Most everyone owns pigs and many have goats. There is also taro and tapioca. Taro has been described as a cross between a potato and cardboard.  We are thankful that we do not have to eat it too often, although it is a staple at every dinner we have ever attended. Hard work produces food for the table for which people here are thankful. I might add that all of us in the Cooks are thankful that the drought is finally over. We ran out of water here at the house three weeks ago, as it hadn’t rained on the island in almost four months. Late last week it starting raining and the storm didn’t let up for almost two days. Everyone was very excited to see the rain as you can imagine. Ward and I had an extra reason to smile. The clouds clinging to the mountain tops were gray and ominous. They looked to us like snow might be in the forecast. It made us feel like it was time for a batch of chili and some hot chocolate!

Our friends are thankful for their homes. They do not aspire to designer houses or matching furniture. Most have very little compared to what we have, but they are grateful. One young woman said that she loved her warm, cozy bed and hated to get out of it in the morning. There were no Egyptian cotton sheets, no duvets and no dust ruffles. She has a mattress on the floor and a Tivaevae to keep her warm. We visited with an elderly couple earlier this week. They are grandparents raising three grandchildren. We had never seen their home before and were touched by what we observed. The house sits high on a mountain with a million-dollar view. The view is unobstructed by window glass or curtains. The one large room of the house contained a very simple kitchen and five single beds lined up in a row. Each bed was neatly made, but there was no coordinating color scheme or matching bedding. They showed us their home with pride and said that they were thankful that they could provide a home for their grandchildren. When we went back outside, we chatted while the grandfather grated (by hand) fresh coconut for the family dinner. It was lovely and peaceful.

Most everyone I spoke to said that they were thankful for family. Our newest father, Tere is so in love with his new son that he hardly ever puts him down. Tere hates to leave for work for fear that he will miss something. Yesterday, we had the opportunity to spend some time with this little family as we took them to the courthouse to register little Bellitson’s birth. Ward asked Tere if he would like to have his son forever and Tere tearfully answered that he would. So now begins the process of preparing them to go to the temple to be sealed. Our friends here are thankful for their faith. They find it a source of strength and feel that it gives their lives direction. It is an anchor for which they are thankful.

.

So, as always, we are happy and trying to work hard. We cannot express how much we love and miss everyone, and want you to know that we are thankful that you are part of our lives. We are also grateful that an American, who is now a chef here has invited us to a traditional Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings and we are very excited. I am not even going to ask where he found a turkey. That will be his little secret!  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Love, Ward and Susan                 Elder and Sister Belliston, serving in the Cooks

Before: Our backyard without rain. 

After: Two days of rain made a huge difference! We are thankful for the rain.

 This watermelon is called a pineapple melon due to its color. Ward is thankful that it is watermelon season!

Flying fish really do have wings. A string of five of these fish sells for 10.00. The fisherman was thankful for the moonless night so that he could go fishing.

Matarea is grateful to have coconuts to harvest.

Ward is thankful for the nu or coconut water.

This is a typical Taro patch.  I am thankful that I don't have to eat much of it.

Mama Ani's grave after the unveiling ceremony. Every night we drive by and see her family sitting at her grave. They are thankful for her life. 

Tere and Mumsy are grateful for their new son. (Baby Belliston)

Papa is grateful to grate coconut to provide for his familys dinner.

The Tupuatas are thankful that they can share their million-dollar view

We are thankful for another happy ending.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Adventures in Paradise 56

Adventures in Paradise 56

Kia Orana, everyone! Our excellent adventure continues with some thoughts on new beginnings and a surprise twist thrown in for good measure. Our story this week concerns our interaction with a young couple whom we have grown to love and an ending for this blog that we did not expect.

Earlier this year, a young woman approached us and wanted to speak with us concerning her sister. She wanted to introduce us to her sister, Mumsy and Mumsy’s partner, Tere. Mumsy and Tere had been together for some time, but their relationship was eroding and Mumsy, who loved Tere and wanted to be married, was concerned that their life together was in danger of not continuing. I’m not certain why we were approached and that doesn’t matter. What matters is in that evening, we began a journey with our new friends that has taken us places we never expected to go.

It is not for me to be specific about most of the challenges that this young couple were facing. But I can say that Mumsy wanted to be a family and Tere, although he cared for her was not certain that he wanted a life that restricted his options. Neither had peace and there was very little trust between the two. It was a very unhappy and frustrating existence and neither knew what to do or how to change the situation. For a long time, we just listened to both of them and let them talk, as we weren’t certain that we would have the answers either. I lost a lot of sleep over those two new friends in the next few months!

One day Mumsy told us that she was pregnant. Now there was an added dimension to the situation and that’s when Mumsy’s mother stepped in. The mother suggested that when the baby was born, she would take the baby with her to one of the outer islands and together with the grandfather, would raise the child as their own. As strange as this may seem to you, it is not an uncommon practice here. Tradition in the islands has a lot of young parents handing over newborns to their older and more experienced parents to raise. It is even expected by some of the old school that the first baby will go to the girls parents and the second baby may go to the boys parents. Eventually, the couple may raise children, but by then, someone else is raising their older offspring and they may not  ever really get to know them. We were stunned when we first heard about this practice and stunned again when Mumsy told her mother that yes, she could take the baby. To be fair to Mumsy, she felt like her parents could do a better job of raising the infant and she did want the best for the child. We had long talks about how we felt that a child needed its mother and that she shouldn’t be making any hasty decisions. We could add here, that Tere was not aware of these plans.

Ward and I felt strongly that we needed to do anything that we could to help these two become a family. We talked a lot, we shared meals, we answered questions and we taught them what we knew. And we prayed; a lot!! Gradually we began to notice change, not only in Mumsy, as she became more obviously pregnant, but in the relationship between the two of them. Mumsy started coming back to church and Tere started to come with her. Eventually, there was a wedding and shortly after that, Tere was baptized in our ocean. During one conversation, I was brave enough to ask about plans for the baby and Tere voiced his heartfelt wish to keep that baby with them. He wanted to be a father! He wanted to take on the responsibility of his family and now nothing in his life was more important to him than that. In a loving way, he expressed to his wife that he had never been asked how he felt about sending the baby away and Mumsy tearfully told him that she really hadn’t wanted to do that, but only wanted the best for her child. That night, when they left our home, they had made decisions that involved positive changes for their future. They were beginning to work and plan together and they were happy. We began talking about the baby in real terms and I told them that I was certain that it would be a boy. I started calling him "Little Whats His Name" and he became the focus of many of our discussions. We all already loved that child!

Monday evening we received a call from Mumsy informing us that “Little Whats His Name” had arrived and would we please come to the hospital to meet him. Would we ever!  We walked in to see all three members of this little family cuddled together on one single hospital bed. The following photos speak for themselves and we are thrilled to share them with you. Tere was excited that he was going to be able to give his new son his first bath and the look on his face says it all, I think. He kept repeating over and over that “He is my son!” And I simply said, “Yes he is”.  When Mama asked whether the baby was going home to the outer islands with her, both new parents lovingly, but firmly told her no, that he was theirs to raise and love. Thankfully, Mama didn’t argue!

As we were leaving, Mumsy whispered something to Tere and they both smiled. She said that we had forgotten to ask what they were naming the baby. In all of the sweetness of the evening, it hadn’t occurred to us to ask. “Little Whats His Name” had a new name based on family ties. His first name is a combination of the names of Tere and his two brothers. Before we left that hospital room, Mumsy hugged us and thanked us for rescuing her husband. We actually think that we simply gave him the tools to rescue himself, but the result is the same, isn’t it? We will let you see for yourselves why we left the hospital that night in tears. Please meet the newest child that has our hearts.

Temana Belliston Taia

So, as usual we are happy and trying to work hard. Life has been good for us this week. We have had the privilege of watching a new family begin their journey together. We will also have the opportunity to watch this little boy grown up as he learns from a loving father how to be a man. We have had much the same experience with many of you as we have watched your families grow and change. And it has been so touching to see how quickly children grow up. Happy Birthday to my son, Travis, who will be 35 next week! I have no idea where the time went and I would give anything to go back and have one more day with my little boys.

Love, Ward and Susan                         Elder and Sister Belliston, serving in the Cooks

Tere and Mumsy and baby Temana

I love the look on all three faces in this photo. Beautiful!

Tere and his son

Sweet baby boy

Belliston and Belliston

Good night and sleep tight

Adventures in Paradise 55

Adventures in Paradise 55

Kia Orana, everyone! Our excellent adventure continues with some spooky thoughts on how a small Halloween party took on a life of its own. Two months ago, I had the brilliant idea of suggesting to some of the children that we hold an American Halloween party. In truth, the original idea was meant to be a distraction for Apii, who had lost her mother Linda in July. Apii was missing her mother and I thought that the idea of a party that she could help plan would be a welcome diversion for her. During the next months, we planned decorations,  discussed what games we would play and Apii and I designed an invitation. I told Apii to invite several friends and we would make an afternoon of it. It would be fun and simple I thought, but I was wrong! I had already lost control.

Soon children began approaching me and it was always with the same question. When is the Halloween party? I quickly realized that in her exuberance, my little friend was inviting all of her little friends. It also became glaringly obvious that if we were going to invite some of the children, then we were going to invite all of the children. How could we leave anyone out? So began the saga of the Halloween party that took over the island!

Apii and I made eighty invitations; each with their own hand-drawn pumpkin face. We invited all of the primary children in the district and any other children that we knew. We told everyone to invite their friends as well. Although costumes were optional, we began hearing from parents of elaborate plans for super heroes, witches, pirates, and mermaids. Since this island does not celebrate Halloween, great ingenuity was used to create and obtain something for the children to wear. Some children, having family in New Zealand even begged relatives to have costumes sent to Rarotonga from there. When did I lose control? To be completely honest here, I even asked our American visitors to bring us the big  bags of Costco candy. Dare I say that even while being in possession of over thirty pounds of candy, I was worried?

How do you plan a party when you don’t know how many guests you will have? I will just say that over estimation is a good rule of thumb here! We bought 150 sizzle sausages (hot dogs) and eight loaves of bread (people here put their hot dogs on a slice of bread and fold it in half), countless bags of chips, 2 tribe-sized bottles of what passes for catsup and I baked 150 cupcakes. We made punch with what seemed to be a years supply of bottled water and of course, we needed some kind of bag for the candy and we would require paper goods. We blew up two dozen black and orange balloons and I fashioned a spook alley on our Lanai out of all of my white bed sheets. We can’t get apples here, so we bobbed for eyeballs, whoops, I mean grapes. We had several yard games and relay races  planned while Ward helped the party goers learn how to carve pumpkins. As a side note here, I think that the woman at Saturday market might still be laughing because I told her that instead of eating the pumpkins, I was going to cut off their tops and carve faces in them. When I got to the part about putting a candle inside, she rolled her eyes and looked at me with that “ You Are A Crazy American” expression that I have seen before on occasion. When did I lose control?

Ward refused to wear any kind of costume, stating that he was going dressed as a missionary. I managed to find some Christmas tinsel in our storage room and I fashioned a halo out of a headband and a coat hanger. This was my big chance to be an angel for at least a little while. We had games on the lawn and ended with lunch and trick or treating. I asked parents to park in the yard so that they could watch the parade and I explained that I would give them a bag of treats to hand out. I failed to realize that my idea of trick-or-treating might not be the same as it would be for a child who has never done it before. I had to explain that it was not a treasure hunt, nor was it a mad dash with the winner taking all. I remembered hearing  that one description of chaos was  it was something akin to trying to herd cats. Well, we had a lot of cats last Saturday and none of them wanted to be herded!  Did I mention that there were children in attendance that I had never even seen before? I finally gave up on having order and just told them to go for it and take only one treat from each car. Yes, I know what you are thinking, but it was the best that I could come up with at that moment. Amazingly, no tiny children were trampled, no one complained that other kids got more candy and at the end of the day, there was only one pair of flip flops left behind without an owner. We had many children say it was the best party ever and the parents thanked us profusely.

A party that was to last two hours lasted almost four, which is an indication that people were having a good time and we are happy about that. I am grateful that the weather was warm and sunny and that everyone could stay outside! We were not surprised that we had no leftovers!  It’s a good thing that Ward was not craving a hot dog or a grape because they had all been eaten. And no way were there any chocolate cupcakes left for him, either. He had to settle for the few Snickers and Reese’s Peanut butter cups that I had stashed away before the party. If the little goblins (as is gobble) had known about them, they would have been eaten as well!

I am also grateful that for a month or two, missing her mother was not the only thing on Apii’s mind. She was queen or at least princess of the party and she was thrilled. Through our hectic gathering last Saturday, we made new friends while growing closer to children that we already love. I had to smile when I noticed that even Superman and the Hulk were wearing flip-flops. I had all the children line up in the front yard at one point so that they could wave to the people passing by on the main road. Our gift to those driving by was a smile-provoking sight and their gift to us was that they smiled and waved back. It was magical. I am also relieved that I don’t have to do it again this Saturday, although this was suggested by a group of grinning witches! But I smirk, just a little when I think that I may have created a monster here on our rock. Halloween may just catch on and October 31 may never be the same on Rarotonga!  What a trick that would be!

As usual, we are happy (and tired) and trying to work hard. It has been a treat to have you in our lives and know that the trick is to somehow give back as much as we have received. We are grateful that as we miss another American holiday at home, we are able to share our version of it with our new friends here on our island.

Love, Ward and Susan              Elder and Sister Belliston, serving in the Cooks

 Praying to survive the afternoon. Here we go!



A group photo of most of our guests.

A quiet moment

Don't mess with the woman in charge of the hot dogs!

This is my favorite photo of the whole day. Have you ever seen Dracula so relaxed?

One of the cats we were trying to herd

These girls asked if they could come back next week

Too cute

These girls are wearing costumes sent from New Zealand

Notice the flip-flops

This handsome boy is waiting patiently for his lunch

More proof that the children here are beautiful

Ivan didn't eat because he wouldn't take out his fangs

Jack-o-lanterns, Rarotongan style

Each child made a ghost to decorate the windows. Pretty scarey!

Having  barely survived the party, this angel thinks that it's time to hang up what's left of her halo.

See you next week!