Adventures in Paradise 53
Kia Orana, everyone! Our excellent adventure continues with some thoughts on change and how we perceive it. As the time here steadily moves towards the day that we will be released, I have often found myself wondering how we will appear to you upon our return. I have worried that it will be instantly obvious to you that we have aged. And while aging is inevitable, it is usually imperceptible from day to day. When we see each other often, those little changes come into being without much fanfare or notice. However when we haven’t seen someone for over a year and a half, those little changes are noticeable. Those first moments of our return have been making me very nervous. I have been worried about what you will think when you see us.
In the late 80’s, I enjoyed watching a television show called “Designing Women”. Four outspoken southern women worked together as interior designers and the series revolved around their adventures and their interactions with those around them. One episode particularly stands out for me. It was touching to me then and it still replays in my memory from time to time. Suzanne Sugarbaker was one of the designing women and she was also a former beauty queen, who often saw life from the privileged vantage point of someone used to being in the limelight. The actress, Delta Burke, played Suzanne to narcissistic perfection and I enjoyed every moment that she was on my small screen.
In this particular episode, Suzanne is faced with the daunting thoughts of attending her high school reunion. Having always been one of the “Beautiful People”, Suzanne was conflicted about appearing at this gathering. Suzanne, the former beauty queen had gained a lot of weight and was understandably concerned about the impression she would make as former classmates saw her for the first time in many years. She had changed and she knew that it would be noticed. She was terrified and considered staying home. To condense just a little here, Suzanne did attend her reunion and was voted “ Most Changed” by some of her former friends. This award was not meant as a compliment, rather it was intended as a mean-spirited joke designed to demean and embarrass her. As Suzanne made her way to the podium to accept her award, all eyes followed her. Some people, sensing her pain, were tearful, others finally feeling superior to the girl who had had everything wore self-satisfied expressions of smugness on their faces.
Those smug expressions faded as Suzanne accepted her award with a heart-wrenching speech. Suzanne thanked the audience for their votes and conceded that she indeed was the most changed. Never alluding to her weight, she gave an eloquent speech on how she had changed on the inside since her years in high school. She spoke to a silenced room of the way her heart had changed and how differently she saw the world now because of her experiences. She spoke of what was important to her and what wasn’t. She made it clear that she had little concern for what superficial people thought of her, as she was far more concerned about what she thought of herself. At the end of the television hour, there was a tearful, but happy ending and Suzanne picked up her trophy for the most changed person and strode out of the room to a standing ovation from most of those in attendance.
So, I have been worried that I will appear older to you. Well, I am older! I have been worried that you will notice that I have more wrinkles than when you last saw me. I have been concerned about sun spots on my face and flip-flop tan lines on my feet. I don’t know how much longer I can keep plucking out grey hairs with my tweezers! At some point soon, this will no longer be a viable idea! I have been preoccupied with the concern that you will see that I have changed. Suzanne Sugarbaker has again reminded me that the change that matters most is internal and is not as easily noticed. I would truly be embarrassed if I hadn’t changed. While there have been so many lessons to learn, I would have wasted my time here if those experiences had not changed me.
For many years, I have noticed that large groups of Polynesians would spend the entire day at the cemetery on Memorial Day. Tents would be erected and food would be provided. You may have noticed this same thing when you visited. There were quiet greetings all day long and the graves of their loved ones were, in my opinion at the time, overly decorated. I often wondered why they would choose to spend the whole day in the cemetery when they could be spending time somewhere else. Now I realize that this is their ultimate way of showing love and respect to members who have passed on. It is the same here. Friends and family gather at the gravesite and do not concern themselves with time. They are concerned about showing respect and through their actions, they are teaching the next generation to be respectful as well. They are connecting one generation with another and now I understand the reverence they have for family. I now see this practice through new eyes. I have been changed through my altered perception.
My new friends regard time much differently than I do, so I have learned to slow down. They have taught me that it doesn’t matter how many people are coming to dinner. What matters is that they can all take a plate home to share with family. Our friends share more than they can afford and think nothing of it. It is unthinkable here that someone would not have a home or a place to sleep and just like my Salt Lake City
As we prepare to leave here, we realize that there is nothing to fear about change. I’m certain that most of you have changed as well. Let’s all agree to look past the physical aspects of those changes and be glad that we have learned valuable lessons over the last eighteen months that have truly changed us.
So, as usual, we are happy and trying to work hard. Suzanne has reminded me that I should be far less concerned about the outward effects of change and far more focused on the fact that I should have changed on the inside. Many of you have been instrumental in our changing over the years. I have taken note of who you are and how you go about your lives far more than you might imagine. From now on, when someone says that I have changed, I think that I will just say, “Thank you, I hope so!”.
Love, Ward and Susan Elder and Sister Belliston, Serving in the Cooks
Graves of family lovingly decorated. I used to think that this was over done, but I have changed my mind. It's beautiful!
Many of our friends spend days cleaning, clearing and adorning graves of their loved ones. I have changed my mind about just bring a small plant to the cemetery.
We held a gathering for women at our home this week. The woman in the green and yellow dress is our new mission president's wife. She has taken a three-year leave of absence from the Thaitian parliment to work with her husband. She has changed her direction for a while.
The woman in the orange skirt has invited her niece and baby son to live with her. She charges no rent, but just wants to help give them a good life. She has changed my persception of compassion.
This young woman in the red flowered dress moved from New Zealand with her son and husband. Her mother, Linda died three months ago and Shanna has come home to help her father raise her eight-year old sister. She has changed my thoughts on sacrificing for family.
This baby boy has a new home and many new "Aunties" to love him. They will change his life.
The Tuaputas, both over seventy are rearing three of their grandchildren. This has changed my idea of how old is too old to raise children.
The Mataroas are on the way to the beach with their grandchildren. Their idea of retirement has changed!
Ward shot this after a very long day for me. Our guests had just gone home and I am tired. But the fact that I enjoy having company in my home has not changed.
This is a change that you will notice. I have not had a haircut in over a year!
Some things never change! Ward will have a story for you about the one who got away!
See you next week !
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